Embracing my skin on MLK day
It was summer 2000, the first time my skin color was mentioned, I was not an immigrant, I was not in an alien space, it was my hometown where I was born, studied, and went on to live for the best part of my life. Someone in school called me a “blackie” a term, that Indians used when they encountered anyone of Dravidian descent. I found it baffling, demeaning but that never dragged me down. As I moved through stages of life progressing from school to college I have heard my skin mentioned in a lot of sentences. I navigated through brands of lightening creams to make my skin a lesser topic of discussion. I heard friends say that if I were light-skinned, I would have been a very beautiful woman. This pitiful mentality changed. There’s no better teacher than life itself. Life and literature saved me from hating myself. Valuable life lessons that taught me that I’m beyond my skin color and I’m way more beautiful in this skin tone than any other.
- Self-admiration: This melanin filled skin has traveled with me through the ups and downs of life. Traveled with me through moves, jobs, marriage, childbirth, and many other life transitions. None of these life events were ever altered by my skin tone. I worked hard to get my job, I loved a man who loves me with the melanin and I arrived in America, where I was presented for the first time the opportunity to listen to a man speak about color and the decisive nature of this world based on color. In India, discussions, and discrimination on the basis of color is a tabooed subject, people still lived under the non-discriminatory facade. Listening to MLK, I realized in work and in my life prospects I may have been judged based on my color. It mattered that I was aware of this. My child, my nieces, and nephews would be told ahead they will face this in the world. I will teach them self-admiration.
- Motherhood: I used to think that the popular opinion that motherhood changes a woman forever is just a myth. Believe me, it is true. When I found out that I was having a girl, I heard from my family that they hoped she had lighter skin. I can understand their concern, they hail from a country in which the matrimonial columns for bride’s read “tall, fair and slim”. The surprising element is how a Dravidian family expects its genes to magically transform into Aryan. My daughter by the miracle of the American sun is born just like my husband and me, a typical Dravidian offspring. Being a mother is transforming, while I only embraced my skin, I want my daughter to flaunt it. I want her to never spend a minute in a day worrying about her color. I know she wouldn’t.
- Social changes: While 2020 to everyone is a year everyone likes to forget, to me 2020 made me realize I was in the popular crowd. The crowd that says, “Hey this is me, accept me or I don’t care”. The BLM movement, the ideologies that the movement stands for resonates with me more than some because it spells “remedy” to my insecurities. It makes me want to do more, achieve more, and set the record straight on discussions of color within my space. I would never have it if a child in my family is told to wear a foundation five shades lighter to achieve the ideal skin tone. I would never let another aunt, uncle, or friend tell me that I was unfortunately of Dravidian descent. I will embrace my skin like it had to be from the outset.
